Stolen things always lose their sparkle

After perusing, a local convenient store for what felt like forever, a lil' girl walked past a an aisle full

 of brightly colored toys and games.

Every one of them seemed to make a sound because someone had already been there and 

 pressed the oh so 

irresistible "try me " buttons.She didn't care though,it all sounded like a symphony of fun calling 

her name.

She stared down the aisle and locked in on a shiny glittery ball.

Lil' Girl :" I want that ball daddy"

Daddy: " No sweetie we only came here for one thing"

Lil Girl: "But daaaaaaaaa-deeeee, it's so so so pretty!Please?" 

Daddy: looking in the adjacent aisle for the one item he came for, he said " No sweetie"

Lil Girl: "But look at it, it is everything I want.I won't ask for anything else.I promise,just let me 

get that ball. I've been a good girl.

Her father focused on the search didn't reply back.

The lil' girl tiptoed into the aisle ,grabbed the ball with her little heart beating through her chest,

 and stuffed it in her skirt.

She skipped back to her father and was eerily quiet.

Daddy: "let's go we are done here".They headed to the register.

The lil' girl was so high off of the adrenaline of stealing that ball ,that she hadn't noticed that her

 skipping made it light up in her skirt.

He father looked down at her and asked,"what have you done?"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said" I just wanted the ball."

Her father lovingly kneeled down to face her and explained that stealing was never an option.

He lowered the shopping basket that he was holding and showed her it's contents.

Inside was the exact same ball she wanted ,only it was bigger and more beautiful.

He had already picked it up for her when they entered the store and wanted to surprise her

with it at the right time.She looked at the ball in the cart and the ball in her hand.All of a sudden

 it wasn't so pretty anymore."

The WAIT

There is an anxiety in patience if you wait the wrong way.Sounds contradictory right?

What' could be bad about patience?It's not about the wait,it's about HOW we wait.For  a long time I used to think that I was the most patient person ever.Partially because people used to always look at me in unbearable circumstances and say: "You are so patient,I would have freaked out!".

Meanwhile ,in my mind,I'm going completely OFF, I  mean bonkers ya'll !

I had the appearance of patience at times ,but my insides were exploding!!

That's where a lot of us are or were ,"I'm waiting Lord", but in the mean time between time, jealousy rots us to the core and we can't have conversations with people.Pride causes us to develop an independence that looks like genuine busyness but it's a busy mess.When did God call us to be OVERLY occupied so that we don't think about being single?Or when we get so upset at God that we ARE waiting that we even give a lil' away here and there, pretending that it's under control because we know we have to give the relationship or "friend" up anyway?Ouch.

Im waiting for what GOD has for ME.It's incomparable.Impatience is normal.It's human.No one is saying that we have to be super human.We can read all of the books in the "singles " section cover to cover.Go to EVERY function dressed like a porcelain doll,make the mad dash to the alter call for singles for the trillionth time, and still. have. to .wait.
"What in the world Lord?Can I please know how much longer I have?Help a sista out! 2 years? 3 years?I need to be busy until then." SILENCE is all we get.

OK so I'm convinced that no one has a remedy for that feeling but God.I can tell you that while I was waiting, there were things going on around me that I had new responses to.I come from a LOOOONG line of independent,"I run my house" I don't need a man,single mothers.They are strong willed, and have no problem with doing anything for themselves and barely cry. The year before I met my husband,I remember crying a lot.I remember having to be honest about my feelings with people in a way I have NEVER done before.I could feel God softening my heart and I was a little scared.I remember sitting in my bed touching my face and going,"I'm crying right now".Lol . Sounds ridiculous I know, but it was happening.I also started to have dreams. Very long and detail oriented dreams.One particular dream,God revealed to me the contents of my heart. One was discontentment.I prided myself on my ability to not be jealous of other people.I believe that what GOD has for me is for me and no one else could have it, but, discontentment doesn't always have the element of jealousy,it's actually the inability to be still.Both of these elements affect patience.
My tough exterior , hardened my interior so I never said what I felt or if I did it was brash.I'm waiting but rotting away.Discontentment had me not satisfied with the now.Not being still.Drive by praying and all. I got to the point where I understood that the wait wasn't a punishment, but on the contrary and assignment in itself.A test for some.Ask God what to do while you wait.Busy-ness is not the cure.

How are you waiting?The story above is the perfect visualization of what it's like when we make a move without God.It's not what you expected because of HOW you got it.Patience isn't easy.It works character though.

 James 1: 4 "But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."