Stolen things always lose their sparkle

After perusing, a local convenient store for what felt like forever, a lil' girl walked past a an aisle full

 of brightly colored toys and games.

Every one of them seemed to make a sound because someone had already been there and 

 pressed the oh so 

irresistible "try me " buttons.She didn't care though,it all sounded like a symphony of fun calling 

her name.

She stared down the aisle and locked in on a shiny glittery ball.

Lil' Girl :" I want that ball daddy"

Daddy: " No sweetie we only came here for one thing"

Lil Girl: "But daaaaaaaaa-deeeee, it's so so so pretty!Please?" 

Daddy: looking in the adjacent aisle for the one item he came for, he said " No sweetie"

Lil Girl: "But look at it, it is everything I want.I won't ask for anything else.I promise,just let me 

get that ball. I've been a good girl.

Her father focused on the search didn't reply back.

The lil' girl tiptoed into the aisle ,grabbed the ball with her little heart beating through her chest,

 and stuffed it in her skirt.

She skipped back to her father and was eerily quiet.

Daddy: "let's go we are done here".They headed to the register.

The lil' girl was so high off of the adrenaline of stealing that ball ,that she hadn't noticed that her

 skipping made it light up in her skirt.

He father looked down at her and asked,"what have you done?"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said" I just wanted the ball."

Her father lovingly kneeled down to face her and explained that stealing was never an option.

He lowered the shopping basket that he was holding and showed her it's contents.

Inside was the exact same ball she wanted ,only it was bigger and more beautiful.

He had already picked it up for her when they entered the store and wanted to surprise her

with it at the right time.She looked at the ball in the cart and the ball in her hand.All of a sudden

 it wasn't so pretty anymore."

The WAIT

There is an anxiety in patience if you wait the wrong way.Sounds contradictory right?

What' could be bad about patience?It's not about the wait,it's about HOW we wait.For  a long time I used to think that I was the most patient person ever.Partially because people used to always look at me in unbearable circumstances and say: "You are so patient,I would have freaked out!".

Meanwhile ,in my mind,I'm going completely OFF, I  mean bonkers ya'll !

I had the appearance of patience at times ,but my insides were exploding!!

That's where a lot of us are or were ,"I'm waiting Lord", but in the mean time between time, jealousy rots us to the core and we can't have conversations with people.Pride causes us to develop an independence that looks like genuine busyness but it's a busy mess.When did God call us to be OVERLY occupied so that we don't think about being single?Or when we get so upset at God that we ARE waiting that we even give a lil' away here and there, pretending that it's under control because we know we have to give the relationship or "friend" up anyway?Ouch.

Im waiting for what GOD has for ME.It's incomparable.Impatience is normal.It's human.No one is saying that we have to be super human.We can read all of the books in the "singles " section cover to cover.Go to EVERY function dressed like a porcelain doll,make the mad dash to the alter call for singles for the trillionth time, and still. have. to .wait.
"What in the world Lord?Can I please know how much longer I have?Help a sista out! 2 years? 3 years?I need to be busy until then." SILENCE is all we get.

OK so I'm convinced that no one has a remedy for that feeling but God.I can tell you that while I was waiting, there were things going on around me that I had new responses to.I come from a LOOOONG line of independent,"I run my house" I don't need a man,single mothers.They are strong willed, and have no problem with doing anything for themselves and barely cry. The year before I met my husband,I remember crying a lot.I remember having to be honest about my feelings with people in a way I have NEVER done before.I could feel God softening my heart and I was a little scared.I remember sitting in my bed touching my face and going,"I'm crying right now".Lol . Sounds ridiculous I know, but it was happening.I also started to have dreams. Very long and detail oriented dreams.One particular dream,God revealed to me the contents of my heart. One was discontentment.I prided myself on my ability to not be jealous of other people.I believe that what GOD has for me is for me and no one else could have it, but, discontentment doesn't always have the element of jealousy,it's actually the inability to be still.Both of these elements affect patience.
My tough exterior , hardened my interior so I never said what I felt or if I did it was brash.I'm waiting but rotting away.Discontentment had me not satisfied with the now.Not being still.Drive by praying and all. I got to the point where I understood that the wait wasn't a punishment, but on the contrary and assignment in itself.A test for some.Ask God what to do while you wait.Busy-ness is not the cure.

How are you waiting?The story above is the perfect visualization of what it's like when we make a move without God.It's not what you expected because of HOW you got it.Patience isn't easy.It works character though.

 James 1: 4 "But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

Bank on it

When  thinking of the word "account" ,for some , two things may come to mind; a bank or a record.
When I began to think about the two combined I thought about the heart.
I have to give an account .What's in my account? What's in your account? What is accounted for?

Have you ever recalled these things in reference to relationships? 

I have a bank account,actually a few ,each one holds funds that I have earned over time or have saved over time . No matter what ,those accounts represent things I have deposited into them . No one else can access my accounts unless they have the authority to do so.

If and when I need something and it's not there I have to then think about what I did with what I put in there.Accounts erect responsibility,whether you're ready for it or not.
I remember waiting and feeling like everyone one who came past me during that time had some significance.Each time I gave this person my time, they deposited something in me.Whether it was memories of fun , lust, emotional things , the list is long and not all bad.Some relationships taught me maturity,how to vocalize wants and needs,boundaries ,and most of all LOVE.When I say relationships I don't mean all romantic,(anyone can tell you that I am the ,"you are a friend" advocate).Every relationship you have with the opposite sex should not be EMOTIONAL or SEXUAL.Though some may beg to differ,we cannot walk through life allowing people we meet along the way to deposit things into us,because we "don't know where it's going".I do not even give every friend access to my bank account or pin number.I mean really?How much more important is my heart and soul?

Our  hearts and minds act as a bank sometimes, what you put in it will for the most part be what is withdrawn .Sometimes WITH interest.Oh we love interest, it's like a nice surprise when you've been good and responsible,but it's NOT if you've been negligent or ignorant.

How you spend is a direct representation of who you are ,and so is your heart

Hence the fact that the bible states , ".....out of the abundance of the heart , the mouth speaks "- Matthew 12:23 NASB  and , "Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.."- Proverbs 4:23 NASB

I had to sit and ponder this for real.Who has access to my heart?What is being withdrawn or deposited?
Time is precious,it's what we have and don't have all at once.I was home thinking about the responsibility of guarding the heart.You must create boundaries, it's not about coming off strong and all" I love Jesus he's my husband first back up!"
It's about the time we spend ,and with whom we spend it.Women we are so smart.Most times ....without being judgmental , ok TOO judgmental, (God's still working on me) I could tell a lot about the opposite sex from the first few conversations we had ok the like the FIRST.I am mission minded.Some gripes could purely be personal taste, ie. grammar, you know ...if he writes LiK3 tHiS ,all of the time then its "bye boo" or if he even dresses a certain way.Ladies we have our stuff.Our particulars.
I say all of this to say that being intentional about our hearts is so important.Sometimes we don't give much thought about our heart until it's broken, that's not the time to be attentive.My favorite question is How?

I have a few things that I specifically asked God for in order to make sure I didn't get in my own way.
1-BE HONEST WITH GOD
 A simple profound prayer I learned: "Lord keep me when I don't want to be kept".
Now it's not a magic potion, this means that you are not going to pretend to be superwoman in every circumstance.You're human ,with a libido.He's a man .Alone in a room with attraction, things can happen.Be very real and attentive.Tell God your fears and concerns.He is more in love with you than anyone else could ever be.
"Daddy, I need your help....!"
2-DO NOT BARE ALL ..right away
You can tell a person about you,your likes and dislikes.Apples or oranges,whatever ,but I've noticed that the MORE we divulge the MORE responsibility we place on  that relationship.I can't tell a person on the first date,or first meeting I want a 3 kids and a house.Words have weight and power.There's an expectation.Now be honest of course,but be intentional about the matters of your heart.Divulging too soon can cause damage.
3-YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE
If you do not,do yourself  and  the other person a favor and don't do it.Our 20's-30's are a pivotal state in life.It's where we have entered and left college,in search of self,knee deep in careers or are desperately searching .If you've figured out your purpose and career ,and are balanced ,kudos to you,but a heavy bulk of us are feeling like we are stuck in the twilight zone.It's the early -life crisis.A time where you want to find the real you before you "grow up", you feel like adult hood mad rushed you after 25.I digress.
KNOW who you are,so many times we ignorantly look for definition of self in the eyes of others.It's insanity because we know it never works,but in that moment it's JUST what the doctor ordered. I'm not saying,you need to have it 100% together in order to have great relationships ,but if you KNOW you and have self identity issues.Repeat step 1,be honest with God.Knowing who you are and WHO'S you are ,are the most vital.

How we perceive ourselves a lot of times is a direct reflection of how we will develop relationships.I realized that without God,in the center.The wheel in the middle of the wheel.I cannot make it.I don't have time to waste and, my heart , YOUR heart is precious.